MISS Foundation: add this nonprofit to your support list. It is nothing short of amazing, life-changing, and life-saving. I spent last Thursday, Friday and Saturday at its grief conference that occurs every two years. The MISS Foundation is an international organization that exists solely to support parents and grandparents whose children/grandchildren have died at any age/gestation and by any cause. They also have programs for the siblings of the children who died. They run the support groups that I have been attending.
In addition to bereaved parents, the conference is open to grief professionals for continuing education: mostly therapists and psychologists, but also social workers, physicians, nurses, hospice workers, students, and others. The conference occurs every two years, and I think it is always in the Phoenix area. I live in Phoenix, I lost Weston barely two months ago, and it is my due date month. It was meant to be. How could I NOT go?
Although I have done volunteer work and support nonprofits (and have family members who run nonprofits), it just occurred to me that this is the first time I have actually needed the services of a nonprofit. So, as a recipient speaking to probable donors of time and/or money to various nonprofits, your support matters. SO MUCH.
For anyone who has not lost a child, overhearing snatches of typical conversations at the conference would blow you away. They generally go like this:
-Introductions
-Establish whether the other is a bereaved parent, grief professional, or both (vast majority are bereaved parents; I only met two people who were not).
-Did you lose a son or daughter? How old? How did he/she/they die?
-And off we go...
It sounds horrible, I know, but for a parent who has lost a child, these conversations are so important. How often do you meet someone for the first time and open the conversation with, "I lost a child"? When our child is all we want to talk about, the freedom to do so without judgment, and with the knowledge that the other person is not going to bolt, is a breath of fresh air.
I met one person who lost a child 3.5 months ago (Weston died just over ten weeks ago). Everyone else was further out from their losses. It seemed that most attendees were 2-7 years out from their losses, but I met one person whose losses occurred about 40 years ago. With my loss being so recent, I am still crying all the time; others were so attuned to my fresh grief and UNDERSTOOD. And I did not feel like a freak at all with my constant crying.
The sessions were varied; some were quite intellectual, while others were very emotional. There was a panel of bereaved parents who spoke about life 2+ years after their loss, and another panel about, simply, what it is like to lose a child. There were sessions about how to channel your grief in artistic ways, how to channel your grief through yoga (loved that one!), and how to forgive. There were also sessions discussing very specific topics such as baby death, pregnancy loss, suicide, palliative care, and gender differences with grief. Sounds lovely, doesn't it? For a bereaved parent, it is a gold mine of information, emotional support, and HOPE.
I could hardly get through a session without crying. And there were some sessions without a dry eye in the entire room. But, overall, I saw hope there. I saw moments of happiness, laughter, empathy, and love. Losing their children has inspired these people to do beautiful things with their lives and help so many others in the process. We would all give it away in a heartbeat to have our children back, but seeing loveliness come from the horrific tragedy of losing children is inspiring.
I took copious notes. It will take me a while to digest everything I learned. Maybe I'll share some of it here.
If you know me or have been reading this blog even sporadically, you have a glimpse into the hell I am living right now. No sugarcoating, that's just life after a child's death. A fellow bereaved parent and conference attendee remarked, "The MISS Foundation saved me." Amen to that. MISS Foundation, you will have my hands and talents on deck as soon as I am stable, and you will have my heart forever.
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