Today's topic: Altar/Shrine/Sacred Space
We don't have a single area in our house dedicated to Weston. We have his chest and have placed pictures everywhere. I want to have something of his in every room, so he is throughout our house. With that being said, I have so many plans regarding places. This week is my due date week, with my actual due date being Friday. My mom is arranging to have a tree planted in our yard this week in honor of Weston; it will become a very special place.
Speaking of trees, here is a picture of some beautiful ones that Shannon took last weekend in Flagstaff, Arizona (my home town). We both missed Weston acutely while we were up there. I always feel a little closer to Weston when I'm out in nature. I get a sense of the large scale of the universe, and heaven and earth seem to merge together just a little bit. Although I don't feel close to God right now, I know Weston is with him, and I get a better sense of that when I'm outdoors. So that's as close as I get to a physical sacred space right now.
Running, music, and yoga have also become "sacred spaces" for me since Weston died. I have enjoyed all three of those activities for many years, but they are truly healing to me now. I only do yoga one day a week but am trying to figure out how to do it more often without getting injured, because I'm also running five days a week. I wish I was in better shape, so I could run for hours.
Yoga is intense. I used to do it strictly for the exercise benefits, but now I am feeling the emotional benefits as well. For example, a few weeks ago, the instructor had us do backbends. I am still quite weak and inflexible from my months in bed, so I could barely attempt this move. I got frustrated immediately and started to cry. Although I cry all the time, it seemed to come on quickly and without warning this time.
Fast forward a couple of weeks to the grief conference. I attended a "Yoga for Healing" session, where I learned that backbend and open-chest-type moves typically produce an emotional response, usually crying. Whoa. So now I want to research some more of the "healing" yoga poses.
It's not perfect, of course. Last time, the instructor told us to have gratitude for our health and the health of our family members as we were winding down at the end of the class. I fired off a heated response in my head...
But, by and large, running, music, and yoga allow me to be with Weston in my mind. That is as good as it will get in this lifetime. So here's hoping my knees, flexibility, and eardrums hold up well for the rest of my life.
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