Capture Your Grief, Day 16

Today's topic: Release

I don't have much to say about this topic. We have not done our own release for Weston yet. This is a picture from last night's candle-lighting service for Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day.

My BFF, Karen, was here with me when Weston died. She had come to visit for the weekend, and she had to go home before his memorial service, which we scheduled several days later. On the day of Weston's service, Karen and her family did a balloon release for Weston. She sent me a picture, and it was beautiful. I just can't figure out how to post it here.

We also did a balloon release for Baby Rolland at his memorial service a few days after Weston's. It was at the hospital, which I loved, and I released my balloon for both babies.

So, one of these days, I'll get my act together and plan some kind of release for Weston.

BUT, we now have all of Weston at home with us. My youngest brother is in town, and he accompanied Caroline and myself to the funeral home to pick up the rest of his ashes. It was very difficult, of course, so I'm glad he was with me.

Weston's urn is so beautiful (I posted a picture of it last week), and I decorated it for Halloween. It is our way of celebrating the holidays with our son. It's a sad substitute for the real thing, but it will have to do. Here is the Halloween urn with an angel keeping watch:

It is not the best decorating job, but, as I have said before, I am NOT crafty or creative. Any costume for Weston would have been store-bought. Next on the list: finding a fireplace mantel for the urn!

I am feeling pretty blah today. I'm not nearly as emotional as I have been in the last few days. I miss Weston so much, and I just feel like a robot going through the motions of life. My due date is in ten days.

But Caroline was funny today. She was angry with me when I made her come inside from the garage after an errand. I went in to check the chicken in the crockpot, and she stood there slamming the door to the laundry room over and over. She yelled out her best insults:

You just eat dinner!

You just eat raw chicken! (Hahahahaha!!!!!!!)

I'm going to take your socks and your undies and your HEAD!

I couldn't help it; she saw me laughing, she started laughing too, and her anger was forgotten.

So, that is all. None of this would be worthy of a normal blog post in my eyes, but I have to post a picture every day this month for the grief project. Another sad day in the life.