We did not have a shower for Weston. He was our second child, so I wasn't really expecting one. Bed rest started at 12 weeks 5 days; between the pregnancy complications and being still early in pregnancy, we never got to the point of talking about it. Some people did give us gifts, which I will always treasure...I also never had a chance to set up the nursery. I am very glad now. The thought of having to dismantle the nursery or give away all of his gifts would be just too much.
But I'm posting a picture that has nothing to do with baby showers. This picture of Weston was taken a few hours after his death on July 28, 2012. I posted an edited version of this picture on Day 24. But this one is the real deal. In our minds, our babies are perfect, so I didn't t
hink anything of posting an edited picture the other day. But, so many parents participating in the Capture Your Grief project have struggled so much on whether to post pictures of their beautiful, sweet babies, so I thought the least I could do is posted an unedited picture.
Weston was doing quite well for a 24-weeker for most of his life. Even when things weren't going as well, no one EVER told us they thought he wouldn't make it. We walked into the NICU that morning to find staff attempting to resuscitate Weston (we had gotten a call about an hour before, but he coded just a few moments before we arrived). As bereaved parents well know, nothing can describe the horror of that moment. They were trying everything, but he was just not responding. After about 20 minutes of agonizing, we asked the staff to cease resuscitation efforts and give us our baby to let him die peacefully. In their haste to give him to me while he was still alive, they ripped the tape holding his breathing tube in place off very quickly, tearing his skin the process. He didn't feel any pain, from what I understand. My son died peacefully in my arms about 45 minutes later.
Weston was doing quite well for a 24-weeker for most of his life. Even when things weren't going as well, no one EVER told us they thought he wouldn't make it. We walked into the NICU that morning to find staff attempting to resuscitate Weston (we had gotten a call about an hour before, but he coded just a few moments before we arrived). As bereaved parents well know, nothing can describe the horror of that moment. They were trying everything, but he was just not responding. After about 20 minutes of agonizing, we asked the staff to cease resuscitation efforts and give us our baby to let him die peacefully. In their haste to give him to me while he was still alive, they ripped the tape holding his breathing tube in place off very quickly, tearing his skin the process. He didn't feel any pain, from what I understand. My son died peacefully in my arms about 45 minutes later.
Good night, baby boy. I can't wait to see you again.
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