Bed Rest

Let me start out by saying that bed rest is not about sitting around eating bonbons (and no, that's NOT what stay at home moms do all day either). Bed rest means that I couldn't pick up Caroline, or really even take care of her, so I had to find alternative care for her. We ended up sending her to a home daycare two days a week and cobbling care together on the other days. My mother in law would usually take her at least one other day, and I would often have friends over for a playdate on the others. Then the friend could help Caroline while I sat. There were some obvious positive aspects: I did have a lot of down time, and I was able to read a lot. I read 11 books in May! And I got to spend a lot of time with my friend, who was also on bed rest, and who also had a toddler.

Being on bed rest with a toddler is similar to having a child in the NICU in that one cannot possibly understand it until one has experienced it. Bed rest is very isolating. I missed going out to eat, going to our neighborhood farmers market on Saturdays, family outings, swimming, etc. I even missed being able to cook and clean up the house. Sitting around in the house all day, I became acutely aware of the little projects around the house that needed to get done, but I couldn't do them. Two obvious big projects were/are redecorating the guest bedroom as a nursery and getting a big-girl bed and new furniture for Caroline's room. I LOVE to decorate, and I couldn't do anything.

We had a lot of unexpected blessings during bed rest. A wonderful group of people at church stepped up to help and brought meals every other night for weeks. Sometimes we would get meals from people we had never even met! As mentioned previously, people came over for play dates and to help with Caroline, offered to go grocery shopping for us, etc. People's kindness and generosity regularly brought me to tears. It was truly amazing. Once this NICU journey is over, I hope to be able to pay it back/forward to these amazing people.

Mornings were a little tricky with Caroline. Shannon was going to work around 5:30 am during this time, so he was not home to help with her in the mornings. My bed rest friend/neighbor had different issues than I did, and she was allowed to pick up toddlers for a time. So, every morning, she would come over and take Caroline out of her crib for me. Side note: bed rest does not always literally mean "stay in bed at all times." My friend and I both started out with the less restrictive bed rest, and later moved to the more restrictive type when our (different) complications continued.

So, after a couple of weeks of this, my friend's bed rest got more restrictive, and she wasn't able to lift toddlers anymore. So Shannon and I rigged things up with the ladder. We worked with Caroline one morning so she wouldn't be scared, and she grew to LOVE climbing out of her crib on the ladder! We had tried putting her crib mattress on the floor, but it didn't work very well because she kept getting out of bed.

My friend was great. She had been put on bed rest a few weeks before I was. We exchanged books, and she gave me advice, such as: a reminder that Caroline's brain would not rot if she watched a little TV. We are generally a no-TV family (I am TOTALLY becoming my mother-I love it!), but TV is obviously helpful if you need your kid to sit still and/or you are unable to chase said kid around! We haven't turned on the TV for Caroline, but she is completely obsessed with my iPhone. We can't avoid the screen time forever!

Heads up: personal pregnancy stuff coming up (I am not saying gross anymore, because pregnancy, even complicated pregnancy, is not gross)

So, I was still optimistic that the amniochorionic separation would heal, that my bed rest would end, and that I would carry the pregnancy to term. I established care with a perinatologist, Dr. G, who told me this was his expectation for me. After the initial bleed in April, I continued to bleed daily, as expected, but the blood turned old within a day. I had an appointment at 16 weeks and a follow-up scheduled for 20 weeks. That appointment was scheduled for a Thursday. The bleed area behind my placenta measured about 8 cm by 4 cm at 16 weeks.

On the Monday of the week of my 20-week appointment, I woke up to fresh blood again. Of course I freaked out and went all over town, first to my midwife and then to Dr. G's office for the 20-week ultrasound a few days early.

This was the 20-week anatomy check, and they were also going to check my placenta, of course. I had been convinced for several weeks that we were having a boy, but I told the ultrasound tech we wanted to be surprised. At one point, she told me she was going to check the bladder and might see the genitals in the process, so I should avert my eyes if I didn't want to see. I did not peek, but I did ask her if she had seen the sex, and she said yes. A few minutes later, she was trying to get a view of the spine and said, "He just doesn't want to move!" Oops. I didn't say anything because I knew her answer would give things away. I just chose to believe she used "he" in the "generic pronoun" sense.

After the ultrasound was over (in which I was reassured that the baby was OK but received no news about my placenta), I went back in the waiting room. After just a couple of minutes, the staff told me Dr. G did not have room in his schedule to see me that day and to wait until my appointment 3 DAYS LATER. About the bleeding, they just told me to "take it easy." I was devastated that I would have to wait 3 days to know what was going on, but I didn't have a choice.

Somehow we made it those three days. Dr. G said that the bleed area had actually decreased in size by about half, to 4 cm by 1 cm and that there was no new bleed. He wasn't sure where this new bleed was coming from, but he still expected it to resolve. He had me continue bed rest and set a follow-up appointment for July 5, which was right around the 24-week mark. He also changed my diagnosis to chronic abruption, which is another way of saying that the placenta has pulled away from the uterine wall and stayed that way for a long time.

I didn't know it, but my home bed rest was rapidly coming to an end. The following Monday, when I was about 20.5 weeks pregnant, I woke up to A LOT of blood. We had already checked out a couple of hospitals, confirmed that they accepted our health insurance, found out where their labor and delivery entrances were, etc. Dr. G had privileges at St. Joseph's, so we opted to go there. My mother in law came to get Caroline, and off we went. I thought I would just be there for a few hours; I had NO IDEA what was in store for me.