If You Read/Share ONE Post, Please Let it be This One

I need to go on a Facebook fast. It is making me want to vomit these days. I have been blogging about child death for a few months now, trying to give anyone interested a glimpse, just a glimpse, into what it is like to lose a child. My purpose for blogging is two-fold: my first, and more personal, reason is to tell the world about Weston Max Yoder, my son, and how he has profoundly affected my life. Because he died, I must be his voice now.

My second reason is to educate. In the wake of losing a child, words have enormous power to hurt or heal. Action or inaction also has incredible power to hurt or heal. Grieving parents have had their worlds rocked in a way you can't even imagine, and WE NEED SUPPORT.

I suppose I have a third reason for blogging: by giving interested readers a glimpse into my heart and soul, I hope to encourage empathy and perspective. I want people to stop complaining about petty things. I want people to stop focusing on themselves so much and be there for someone else. I want people to stop being judgmental. I want people to be thankful for what they have and stop focusing on the things that don't matter. Hopelessly utopian? Perhaps. But when we live in a world where innocent babies die, and innocent children and teachers are gunned down in school, why do we waste our time being obsessed with the wrong things and ignoring the right things?

Since last week's tragedy in Connecticut, child death has been in the national spotlight. Everything I have been blogging about (and a whole lot more) is part of a national conversation now. On an individual level, words, action, and inaction have hurt me since Weston died. But now the ignorance and insensitivity is everywhere, in my face. Although it is not directed at me, I am reliving horrible moments all over again. But whatever words hurt me, they are not part of the national news. They are not circulating around Facebook. I do not see hurtful and ignorant things, directed at ME, everywhere I look. God help these parents. On their behalf, I ask you to LISTEN UP.

**Here is an easy-to-read article about how to talk to a grieving parent. I posted it on my Facebook page the other day, but it needs to be circulated EVERYWHERE.

**And this is a very helpful article written by a former chaplain at a children's hospital. IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, or are trying to comfort grieving parents who believe in God, this is MANDATORY reading. It's important if you don't believe in God, too. Everyone, just read it.

Look at this garbage I saw on Facebook today. And who are the 284,000 people who actually "liked" this sanctimonious drivel that she posted hours after the horrific shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School:

I may lose a few friends over this-- I truly believe that all this evil stems from taking God out of our schools, our government, our everyday lives. Our nation was founded on the principles of Him. How can we expect Him to protect us, protect our children when we refuse to let Him in our schools and in our lives. May God be with those families and those children whose lives will be forever changed. Let this be a call to Him.

You might be thinking, what's wrong with this? Shauna, you are going straight to hell. I have talked quite a bit about my faith struggles here, and I have never been a card-carrying evangelical Christian, as they are known, caricatured, whatever in American society at large. I am, however, a Christian, and I believe that God is good. I might have made a little progress in this area since writing this post, although I am still struggling with God's silence in my life. But this, THIS, is the kind of drivel that drives the knife in deeper, and twists it for good measure, to bereaved parents. (Drivel. I've used it twice already. It's my word of the day.)

Let's assume, for the sake of argument, that Anonymous Poster (I saw her name, but I don't want to give her more attention. Because, you know, so many people read my blog.) is correct: that "all this evil stems from taking God out of our schools, our government, our everyday lives." Well, Anonymous Poster, do you personally know the families of the twenty-six victims of this horrific tragedy? Do you know for a fact that they took God out of their everyday lives? How do you know they didn't pray in school? Prayer doesn't have to be approved by the government for it to happen. See, we have this thing called the First Amendment that guarantees freedom of religion. It means we can pray whenever we want, to whomever we want. (I am not touching the Second Amendment here. No way.) All-knowing Anonymous Poster (AP), did you ever stop to think that maybe these children and teachers believed in God? That they DID pray that day, and maybe every day? Maybe their parents prayed for them in the car on the way to school, like my mother used to do with me. Maybe their parents asked God to keep them safe, as I do with my daughter every night. Oh, and AP, I also prayed for God to keep my son safe. Prayed and prayed and prayed and prayed. Guess what? He died.

And, here is one of the most self-righteous statements I have ever heard: "How can we expect Him to protect us, protect our children when we refuse to let Him in our schools and in our lives." So, Anonymous I-Let-God-in-EVERY-Area-of-My-Life Poster, what would your answer be if, God forbid, YOUR child had been among the victims? How would you explain that? (Maybe you don't have a child. I don't know.)

AP, this garbage that you post is what makes people hate God. And who can blame them? Really, who would want to serve, much less believe in, a god that says, "Oh! You didn't pray to me enough today, so I'm going to let this disturbed young man into a school and KILL YOUR CHILDREN." Or, "You know that Supreme Court ruling back in the day that upheld the separation of church and state? Well, I don't like that, so I'm going to put your child in the path of a semi-automatic rifle." Or, "Whoops! You didn't read your Bible long enough, so I'm going to make your placenta disintegrate, forcing you to give birth to your son way too early, watch him suffer for three weeks, and then let him die." Not me.

AP, my son died. I am struggling with God right now. But I imagine you, smug, self-righteous AP, don't understand that, because everything is so easy, so black and white, with you. I have intensely examined and wrestled with my faith over the last fifteen years. Before my precious, beautiful, perfect son Weston died, your clueless insensitivity would have just rolled off my back. Sure, it would have made me sad as a Christian to think that the God I believe in is portrayed so negatively, but I would have just continued living my life, hoping that others would somehow see a more kind and loving God through me.

But now. You see, when our children die, we parents question EVERYTHING we have ever done. Our first mandate as parents is to keep our children safe. So, when they DIE, we have to deal with a lot of self-loathing and feelings of failure. We search for answers. We don't really want to know the answers, but we search anyway. And if we believe in God, EVERYTHING we thought we knew about God is shaken to its core.

And, if we didn't, in your words, "refuse to let Him in our schools and in our lives," what then? AP, how do you reconcile that? Remember the shooting in the Amish community a few years ago? Their schools, their lives revolve around God. How do you explain that tragedy?

My son's name is Weston. God was and is a part of our family life. I prayed and prayed and prayed for Weston. He died anyway. How do you, all-knowing AP, explain that? 

We have no idea why these horrible events happen, why children die. AP, DON'T YOU DARE pretend to think that you know the answer. Even worse, don't portray God as some heartless entity that is waiting to pounce or turn his back on us or take away our children the minute we "take him out of schools". Whatever that means. God is not like that. 

Most of all, don't tell a grieving parent that their child died because they "took God out of their lives." After this long, impassioned post, do I even need to explain why? THERE IS NO REASON WHY. Don't heap more guilt on bereaved parents.

284,000 people believe that AP's statement was an appropriate thing to say AFTER  CHILDREN DIED. Boy, do I have my work cut out for me. I pray that this drivel (Oh! There it is again! I need a thesaurus.) never makes its way to the parents grieving their children lost in this horrific shooting. I don't pretend to think that this post will reach 284,000 sets of eyes, but read the articles. Please, please, please be intentional with your words and actions toward bereaved parents. I know that God does not need me to defend him, but please don't think that he is the way AP portrayed him. As much as I don't understand WHY he let my baby boy die, he is good. And, if this post ever reaches another bereaved parent, specifically one who lost a child, of any age, at Sandy Hook, please don't ever think that your beliefs, or non-belief, in God had anything to do with this tragedy. You are loved, you are not alone, and it was not your fault.