Saturday, March 2, 2013

Death From a Child's Perspective

Here are highlights from our bedtime conversation tonight.

Caroline: I want to go up to heaven and see Weston. I want to say, God, can you please give me Weston? And then I will bring him here.

He has little tiny ears, and he needs little tiny socks.

C: I went up to heaven, but I couldn't carry Weston because I had my hands full.
Me: What were you carrying?
C: A bag of sharp knife-es.
Me: What were the knives for?
C: For God.
Me: Why did you have knives for God?
C: So he could cut things with them.
Me: What did God cut with the knives?
C: Arugula and onions and green beans.
Me: Oh, was he making a salad for Weston?
C: No, Weston doesn't like salad.
Me: What does Weston like?
C: He likes Cheerios and goldfish. (Huh? This from the girl who is allergic to dairy.) I put Weston in the little high chair and gave him Cheerios and goldfish from the snack bowls.

C: I laid down in bed, and Weston tried to get in my bed. So I got up and picked him up and put him in the bed with me. He had a Spiderman blanket. We cuddled in bed.

All the while, I had this mental picture in my head of the two of them lying in bed together, and I could hardly stand it. She misses her little brother, and I can't make it better.

Earlier today, someone was telling us about a book about a near-death experience. According to the author, there is a special "baby palace" in heaven. I'm not sure what to make of that, but it is a comforting thought. Babies separated from their parents by an entire realm need special care.

Oh, to be inside Caroline's head right now. She must be so confused.


  1. O my. And wow. I am glad that she is close to him in her imagination...that is a gift, in and of itself. And I am glad she is talking it out with you. That seems a very good thing. I can't imagine your heart, as you imagined them together. I am sorry. And I love you.

  2. Sorry for the late response on this; I'm finally getting caught up.

    I'm not sure where your beliefs lie as far as anything "supernatural" goes, but some people believe that so-called "imaginary friends" aren't necessarily imaginary at all and could be the spirits of others that children can see because a child's mind is still completely open and unmarred by societal "rules" of what is acceptable.

    I know I felt things and even saw things when Tony died that couldn't be explained and I swear he was still with me, at least for awhile.